tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50450910045754016372024-03-12T17:29:42.944-07:00it.goes.and.goes.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-55742463334671477572016-02-23T20:20:00.000-08:002016-02-24T19:24:04.153-08:00i'm not perfect.<br />
<br />
<br />
so so so not perfect.<br />
but knowing that makes me powerful.<br />
knowing that helps me embrace the struggle, the growth<br />
of all things.<br />
there's things i used to want to change.<br />
but i don't think i'll try to<br />
change myself<br />
anymore.<br />
not for anyone but me.<br />
<br />
i won't be who you want me to be--take me or leave me.<br />
all the good parts, all the bad.<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, when i'm mad or upset,<br />
i just need to talk things out.<br />
if a friend or whoever upsets me i need to just say<br />
"HERE is how <br />
you hurt me,<br />
HERE is where it hurts."<br />
<br />
and i know, i know,<br />
sometimes that can be a lot for people.<br />
a lot for the quiet types who don't need to<br />
talk<br />
about their feelings.<br />
<br />
but i just need to get it out.<br />
i just need to speak my peace and tell you<br />
what's happening in my heart and<br />
hope to meet you halfway<br />
in yours.<br />
<br />
and move on.<br />
<br />
if you don't need to talk when you're<br />
upset with me, that's ok<br />
you just tell me "i need some space"<br />
and i will respect that.<br />
and i will check in.<br />
i always check in if i know i hurt you.<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, right when i think<br />
life<br />
has said "no" to something,<br />
I stop trying to find it.<br />
and it shows up.<br />
<br />
and i don't know how<br />
to navigate that.<br />
not really.<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, when i meet someone new,<br />
i get really excited about them.<br />
like...so excited about<br />
who they are and<br />
they just walked into MY life??<br />
how lucky am i?<br />
how cool are they?!<br />
<br />
and then i get<br />
so wrapped up in how cool they are and<br />
we can just kick it and laugh<br />
about whatever and<br />
well, i just like meeting cool people!<br />
so then,<br />
i get stoked to spend time with them.<br />
like i just want to hang out with them all the time and<br />
get to know<br />
you<br />
discover<br />
you<br />
<br />
and that is a lot for some people.<br />
i can't apologize for it, i won't,<br />
because i am just STOKED to<br />
learn why you are<br />
who you are.<br />
it comes off differently to some.<br />
and they assume i'm weird.<br />
or too much.<br />
<br />
and that's ok,<br />
because it's genuine appreciation.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, i don't even know how this happens but sometimes,<br />
i get so paralyzed by the fear of<br />
not knowing if i will live up<br />
to my own<br />
expectations.<br />
i have made my parents proud.<br />
i have made many people proud.<br />
i want to make sure that<br />
i am proud of me.<br />
<br />
i just sit on my bed and i think,<br />
"there's not enough time.<br />
too many choices.<br />
what is the right way?"<br />
i'll never know but i ask the questions.<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, on my darkest days,<br />
i don't get out of bed<br />
and feel guilty about it every minute.<br />
<br />
even if i am reading a book.<br />
<br />
<br />
sometimes, when i'm alone,<br />
i talk to myself.<br />
i have conversations<br />
of all the things i wish i could have said<br />
to him<br />
to her<br />
to whoever<br />
because my bravery left me in the<br />
actual moment<br />
and i froze.<br />
it sounds crazy<br />
but i totally do that.<br />
not always, just every now and then.<br />
<br />
<br />
so,<br />
like i said,<br />
i'm not perfect.<br />
these are some things about me<br />
that tend to be<br />
true.<br />
i won't be who you want me to be--take me or leave me.<br />
but chances are....<br />
you'll change me just by being you.<br />
because<br />
the best parts of you<br />
bring out the best parts in me.<br />
<br />
<br />
i wanna be better.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-14672146588106731412015-01-05T22:46:00.002-08:002015-01-06T22:37:58.184-08:00just gonna talk i swear to god, being a REAL, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC person is as hard as fuck to accomplish these days.<br />
<br />
it's like everywhere i go i'm putting on some stupid<br />
façade<br />
to please whoever the hell is standing in front of me..<br />
<br />
at work<br />
in the theatre<br />
on the street!<br />
with my family<br />
with my friends<br />
<br />
and it's like i'm getting to the point where<br />
i don't even know how to tell where the mask ends<br />
and the real me begins.<br />
<br />
[so cliché]<br />
<br />
you hope that at least<br />
<b>you </b>can always be the one person who will recognize<br />
yourself<br />
in the mirror.<br />
<br />
so what happens when you can't?<br />
<br />
i'll tell you what happens---nothing.<br />
nobody gives a shit<br />
<br />
and some people actually prefer it<br />
<br />
because any kind of vulnerability<br />
or difference or actual feelings about<br />
actual things<br />
makes them feel like they have to be real too<br />
and real is really scary sometimes,<br />
i'll admit.<br />
<br />
but scary and real are where all the good stuff is born.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i'll tell you one thing,<br />
i'm not going to write some fake "happy new year!" post<br />
just because i'm supposed to be happy and it's the new year.<br />
i AM happy that it's the new year but<br />
jan 1 is just like any other day!<br />
jesus, they're all the same! time is a man-made construction (i know i sound like an asshole when i say that);<br />
we only know what year it is because someone decided to start counting how many times the sun came up.<br />
<br />
it will come up every day.<br />
<br />
anyway<br />
i will write what i feel because<br />
i CAN and i believe it's better to at least be genuine<br />
here.<br />
<br />
maybe this was too much too soon<br />
maybe the move i'm trying to make is not the right one<br />
but it might be?<br />
<br />
i'm always just sitting here, expecting something to change when i make these bold moves; expecting that because i am taking control and going after what i want, i will finally understand<br />
WHO I AM.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
but that's just not a fucking thing.<br />
not today.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-30160228054147698292014-09-14T13:01:00.000-07:002014-12-03T22:29:32.736-08:00life and death 6/15/2014nobody likes to talk about death.<br />
i know that now.<br />
no one likes to talk about it because it's "uncomfortable" and "hard."<br />
but death is one of the only consistencies in this life.<br />
maybe we should all get used to talking about it...<br />
when we need to.<br />
when we need each other.<br />
<br />
<br />
i find that i am incredibly cynical.<br />
mostly.<br />
should someone my age have such a bleak view of the world?<br />
it comes in waves.<br />
<br />
loss of a loved one,<br />
rushes <b>in</b> the sadness<br />
and reminds me that everything ends<br />
but also reminds me that life is short.<br />
rushes <b>out</b> the gratitude.<br />
<br />
I don't know, there's no one who can really say i "should" or "shouldn't" be, say, think, or do anything.<br />
<br />
"life is short" is my new mantra;.<br />
i feel like everything i once knew is all jacked up and in little pieces and floating above me in a mess<br />
like in willy wonka<br />
a million little pieces above my head.<br />
<br />
when Casey died, i pictured his body lying there,<br />
lifeless. nothing in him.<br />
it was all i could see for a time which felt like the longest time.<br />
i have never believed in a true "spirit/body" connection and disconnection<br />
or at least i felt like spirits floating around with no bodies were pointless...<br />
because what could they do without a vehicle....?<br />
<br />
but i couldn't get over this<br />
creepy revelation<br />
that his body was here on this earth..and HE was no where to be found.<br />
CASEY was gone.<br />
the body..here. the body...nothing without CASEY....whatever that means.<br />
<br />
no idea.<br />
I have no idea what to think of that.<br />
<br />
the morning after he passed, the most beautiful sunrise i had ever seen came over the rockies<br />
and that night,<br />
the sunset was unrivaled by any that came before,<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
and i saw Casey there.<br />
he was there, in the sky.........and i swear he was talking to me.<br />
<br />
that morning i smiled for the last time that day.<br />
that night i cried again...again, and not the last time for him.<br />
<br />
<br />
the day after his funeral service<br />
i saw a rainbow stretching all the way from A to B and<br />
you could've missed it if you hadn't looked outside in just the right place in just the right moment of time.<br />
<br />
but i saw it.<br />
and i <i>felt </i>him there.<br />
and i felt him all around me saying<br />
"it won't be so bad. it won't be so hard. because i am still here."<br />
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-62281168944600602192014-05-12T22:42:00.000-07:002014-11-09T22:12:08.731-08:00it's just about time i finish writing about you but there's just a few more things..<br />
<br />
<br />
i still remember our last kiss.<br />
or at least, the last one i remember<br />
is stuck in my mind.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't kiss you after i picked you up<br />
off<br />
the streets<br />
later in the month<br />
because it felt like<br />
self-betrayal.<br />
<br />
it was before that.<br />
the last one, i mean.<br />
<br />
<br />
we were laying on your bed and you were so tired<br />
you just kept passing out<br />
and i was so confused...<br />
i just didn't know why,<br />
it was your day off<br />
so<br />
shouldn't you be rested?<br />
but you were <i>so tired</i>.<br />
a lot, at that time.<br />
and i was just as naïve as you were tired.<br />
and i was coming off a bad day.<br />
i mean,<br />
it was a rough one.<br />
but after some random episode of modern family<br />
(and you barely laughed, it was so weird)<br />
you shut the laptop and turned away and said<br />
"night"<br />
just like that.<br />
no kiss, no nothing.<br />
double negatives all over the place.<br />
<br />
so i turned over and i was annoyed.<br />
but i couldn't just say it. i was locked up and couldn't just say "WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? THIS IS MESSED UP AND I CAME ALL THE WAY OVER HERE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO ACT??"<br />
because i wasn't confident around you anymore.<br />
my doubt was creeping in.<br />
i huffed and puffed and tried to sleep until i was in<br />
the middle<br />
of some sigh and you cut me off with a--"WHAT?"<br />
sharp and sour.<br />
not like you.<br />
it's cliché but really, it felt like a slap in the face, that tone.<br />
i never want to hear you do that again.<br />
<br />
and i was so taken off guard,<br />
my body got hot and i felt ashamed but fired up and i said<br />
"nothing! god, i just had a bad day and you're acting weird<br />
and why<br />
am i even here?"<br />
<br />
you said, "well---look---"<br />
i felt you turning and i thought, 'we'll talk and cuddle and kiss and<br />
this is normal.'<br />
and you reached out<br />
found my face with your left palm,<br />
turned my head and tried...<br />
well, you<br />
kissed me<br />
but missed me<br />
so it was a halfway kiss and you said "i'm sorry. <b>okay??</b>"<br />
<br />
and you turned back around.<br />
as if it <i>was </i>okay.<br />
<br />
3 minutes later you were in deep sleep.<br />
i lay there,<br />
looking in so i could try to see the color in my own eyes<br />
and then i was<br />
finding the shadows from the blinds curve from the ceiling to the wall,<br />
and i just wanted to leave.<br />
i just wanted to leave<br />
i just needed to leave<br />
and i stayed.<br />
<br />
truthfully,<br />
i still don't know why i stayed with you that night.<br />
<br />
but it was the last time i saw you, really,<br />
because it all became too much for you to cover up.<br />
i saw you when you weren't in there anymore.<br />
which is fucking scary.<br />
<br />
<br />
so really...that was the last one.<br />
and that was the most tragic kiss we ever had.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-92204732625300177602014-02-27T22:48:00.000-08:002014-03-02T22:24:07.194-08:00perfectionism is definitely a thingthe more years i experience, the more i understand that failure makes us who we are.<br />
<div>
risks are a necessity because the beauty comes right after the risk.<br />
<div>
i accept mistakes a little bit better with each day or each event. because there aren't really mistakes.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i have been examining some topics as they relate to me in a few departments, namely:</div>
<div>
1 self worth</div>
<div>
2 perfectionism</div>
<div>
3 being enough </div>
<div>
4 gratitude</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
they are all tied together and here is what i have discovered:</div>
<div>
1 i am wonderful. i am capable of anything. seriously. anything. i'm unstoppable!! and that is a powerful feeling. i am empowered, i am positive, i am passionate, and i am artistic. i am WORTHY of all the good things, i am worthy of true love and acceptance and i will not search or beg for it. i will <i>give it</i> truthfully because i am worth it. </div>
<div>
2 we are all perfectionists in some areas. there are some things we just want to be perfect. for me, it's work. i am hardest on myself there because i expect myself to succeed. in fact, i expect success at whatever i set my mind to. </div>
<div>
i am slowly but surely accepting the challenge to not be perfect, or rather, to not pressure myself to be something i will never be. i usually don't wear makeup on my days off. i forget things, i slip up, and i say things i wish i had thought twice about. and i'm okay and <i>i'm human not in spite of these things but because of them.</i></div>
<div>
3 i am enough. not sometimes, not on the weekends, not at whole foods, not in my subaru or when traveling. i just AM. all the time. you all are too, any of you who happen to be reading. we are all enough and wonderful and offering so much to this little world. it's those vulnerable moments, the ones that make us shake and cry and want to hide...those are the ones that leave us cracked and full of doubt. but those are the most beautiful moments. they give us the ability to let the light back in, to see the joy and wonder of things. i come back to the word, i come back to "enough." that is a heavy yet enlightened word. </div>
<div>
4 gratitude is a <i>practice.</i> it's not just on thanksgiving. to actually remember and realize, to be mindful and vocal, or at least slightly aware, of the things we are grateful for is hard sometimes. it's a struggle. when i am flying on an airplane, do i think about how annoying the person next to me is and how i can't believe how rude she just was....or do i think about this miraculous machine that's taking me to california in less than 2 hours? i mean, <i>i am flying</i>! </div>
<div>
it's not about constantly being grateful and happy and positive, because that is not realistic; that's not life. life is feeling it all, and knowing it is all part of you. life is feeling and listening to your heart but then being grateful and honest enough to <i>express</i> what it has to say. gratitude is about sharing truth. with yourself, with others, with the world.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
who do you love?</div>
<div>
last night, did you go to bed wishing you'd said something yesterday?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and will you say it today, knowing that even if it hurts, it was worth it?</div>
Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-12496338679646310122014-02-12T23:39:00.005-08:002014-03-04T21:29:13.613-08:00tell him to find mehello, stranger.<br>
<div>
<div>
i wish i had time to tell you a story.</div>
<div>
it's one of those ones that you</div>
<div>
hear</div>
<div>
and immediately wish it happened to you.</div>
<div>
a whirlwind type thing.</div>
<div>
i think you'd like my story.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
hi,<br>
<div>
if you see my guy walking around </div>
</div>
<div>
(the one from the story) could you please</div>
<div>
tell him i love him?</div>
<div>
and that it's all just here,<br>
inside?</div>
<div>
the love, i mean.</div>
<div>
just inside me,<br>
slowly leaking out, though,</div>
<div>
into other places that deserve it.<br>
additional places.</div>
<div>
because it's not <i>all </i>about him.</div>
<div>
i love a lot of people and </div>
<div>
i do love myself.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
hello again!</div>
<div>
could you remind me?</div>
<div>
did i ever tell you </div>
<div>
what it felt like</div>
<div>
when i kissed him the first time?<br>
it's so cheesy.</div>
<div>
it felt like<br>
i never knew what kissing really was.</div>
<div>
did i tell you what he said after?</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
he didn't say anything. </div>
<div>
we kinda just stared and he </div>
<div>
tried to catch his breath.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
stranger, hey. </div>
<div>
i know i told you about</div>
<div>
the time</div>
<div>
he held my hand</div>
<div>
as i told him something about me</div>
<div>
few have ever heard.</div>
<div>
and he kissed my finger tips</div>
<div>
and felt the details of my hand </div>
<div>
while i cried.</div>
<div>
and then he said, </div>
<div>
"it's okay. you're okay.<br>
i'm so happy you told me."</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
hello, stranger. </div>
<div>
could you would you<br>
read my mind?</div>
<div>
i'm having a hard time understanding it;</div>
<div>
my heart keeps getting in the way.</div>
<div>
do you speak the language?<br>
<br></div>
<div>
hello there.</div>
<div>
if you come across my guy...</div>
<div>
could you please let him know that</div>
<div>
for my own good,</div>
<div>
for my sanity,</div>
<div>
for my spirit,</div>
<div>because anything one-sided just sucks<br>
and is truly unfair,</div><div>because this hurts too much to keep feeling...</div>
<div>
and </div>
<div>
because i deserve to live my life...</div>
<div>
could you please tell him that</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
i am letting him go?</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
that i have stopped </div>
<div>
hanging on to the empty hope </div>
<div>
that he will someday return?</div>
<div>
which is not to say that i wouldn't</div>
<div>
open my arms to him,<br>
still.<br>
which is not to say that i wouldn't</div>
<div>
run to him so fast if</div>
<div>
suddenly he was there, just out of the blue.</div>
<div>
if i heard him call my name,</div>
<div>
i would be paralyzed.</div>
<div>
i mean, i would</div>
<div>
say nothing </div>
<div>
because let's be real, just to see him again</div>
<div>
would catalyze tears, not words.</div>
<div>
i would be overjoyed,</div>
<div>
stunned into silence,</div>
<div>
but that's just</div>
<div>
if i ever did see his face one more time.</div>
<div>
i would run, i totally would.<br>
but i can't wait right now.<br>
i deserve better.<br>
time just keeps passing.<br>
and this is my time.<br>
he will understand.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
hello?</div>
<div>are you still there?</div><div>i get that you don't understand it </div>
<div>
and all that i have done</div>
<div>
but</div>
<div>
just trust me.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
there is a better you, always.<br>
fierce and brave.</div>
<div>
just waiting,<br>
right around the corner<br>
for the reveal.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
see you soon, stranger.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
<br></div>
</div>
Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-71767833302038804922014-01-08T22:58:00.002-08:002014-01-08T23:05:43.623-08:00i am trying to write more. it's this thing i'm trying to do.<br />
i have a bad memory. and i'm...i'm a feeler.<br />
so there's a lot to get out.<br />
<br />
but every time i pick up my pen to finish my story about you<br />
(because it's like i can't move on until i cover that)<br />
(feels like i'm living 3 months ago and feeling everything fresh every day for at least a couple seconds, minutes)<br />
(so i have to write it down, get through it)<br />
there's 3 or so blank pages<br />
just watching me.<br />
every day.<br />
waiting<br />
anticipating<br />
the story of you and us and<br />
everything we've ever been,<br />
which may have been nothing and it may have been everything i felt at the time.<br />
no, it was something. it was a lot.<br />
<br />
<br />
i just can't.<br />
<br />
it's just too hard to write anything down.<br />
<br />
once,<br />
while writing,<br />
when starting this story,<br />
(which is my life and not a fairy tale which also<br />
complicates things),<br />
i opened up my phone to scroll through and find out what date something was.<br />
i wanted to remember that date, that memory.<br />
and i only knew from our texts.<br />
so then i'm trying to find it and of course<br />
i'm eventually reading all our texts. and i'm just laughing and crying at the same time<br />
because now<br />
going back through it all<br />
i can see it all so clearly.<br />
it's so obvious, when you started to slip away<br />
but back then<br />
i was laughing more than i ever had<br />
and feeling more perfectly fine than i had in years<br />
because you unknowingly helped me see the simple joy in so much<br />
and helped me believe in my own beauty again.<br />
<br />
<br />
i can't write<br />
because i feel so much love for you<br />
still.<br />
god damn.<br />
so much love is in there<br />
that it actually hurts from the inside,<br />
and it's trapped with no where to go..<br />
restricted by that elastic cord that's keeping my journal shut.<br />
<br />
<br />
all i want to be able to do is<br />
look back<br />
at these<br />
memories<br />
a few years down the road<br />
when i am older, wiser, and over it,<br />
and smile<br />
at the recollection of your laugh and your smell and that moment in the dark,<br />
and the way our first kiss felt.<br />
<br />
i can't write it and close the book<br />
because it's not over.<br />
<br />
it can't be over.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-49174031743434030752013-11-18T22:06:00.002-08:002013-11-18T22:06:17.201-08:00perhaps some cliches in here but mostly truthsomething i am understanding a little more each day:<br />
<i>you create yourself a little more each day.</i><br />
<br />
work hard.<br />
play hard.<br />
love hard.<br />
but don't be hard.<br />
be soft,<br />
even when you get hurt so badly or you feel so angry that you could just turn to stone.<br />
dream big and then go for it,<br />
even when people or your own<br />
insecurities<br />
try to tear it all down.<br />
jump.<br />
don't fear the fall,<br />
embrace it.<br />
<br />
you're in control of your own happiness.<br />
you create this life.<br />
this journey is all yours,<br />
but it's all about connections with others.<br />
<br />
soak it all in, baby.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-55243634894301162222013-10-28T16:42:00.002-07:002013-10-28T16:42:39.183-07:00dear will,i can't remember the last time i heard your voice.<br />
and when i say that<br />
i mean<br />
YOUR voice<br />
not your voice affected<br />
infected.<br />
<br />
i call you every single day.<br />
i have never stopped calling.<br />
it got hard when the voice said<br />
"you have reached the voicemail inbox of.."<br />
dead<br />
and harder still when it turned to<br />
"the number you are calling is not reachable."<br />
gone<br />
<br />
<br />
but i still try every day because<br />
i imagine the day you pick up.<br />
it will be the <i>best </i>day.<br />
<br />
<br />
i hope you don't just call<br />
i hope i can see your eyes again.<br />
<br />
please, god or whatever is out there,<br />
let me see his eyes again.<br />
<br />
and i'm holding on to this hope that you will come back...<br />
despite my better judgement<br />
or the present moment<br />
that says<br />
"he blew in and out like the wind...<br />
now let him go<br />
like the wind lets go<br />
of all it touches."<br />
<br />
whiteknuckles<br />
nothingbuthope<br />
nochoice<br />
andthatsjustme<br />
<br />
everywhere i look,<br />
i see you.<br />
you know where to find me.<br />
<br />
love,<br />
ali<br />
<br />
PS-no no...yeah...yeah no...i know.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-77039079931321473592013-10-17T22:38:00.000-07:002013-10-17T22:42:37.251-07:00sorry i'm sad outright but keeping it in is like quicksand for the hearti've got a lot of love in me<br />
a lot of light<br />
we all do.<br />
don't you see that?<br />
just like...just like those stars up there.<br />
it's black if not for them.<br />
we're all made of the same stuff.<br />
all the same stuff.<br />
<br />
sometimes it's easy to feel lost in the waves...<br />
radio<br />
water<br />
cellular<br />
sound<br />
micro<br />
all these different types of waves<br />
we're just kinda wading in all day and night.<br />
<br />
but look up to those stars<br />
and just know that<br />
the light reflects in your eyes<br />
because it's a part of you<br />
<br />
it's already in there.<br />
<br />
look down at the tide<br />
and if a tear falls down<br />
see it disappear like it belongs there<br />
because water from within you<br />
is water from anywhere else<br />
<br />
look into someone's eyes<br />
deep<br />
and know that the blue in theirs is their own but yours at the same time<br />
because that blue connects you two. the water. the light.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-83701088691090746232013-10-11T23:00:00.002-07:002013-10-12T21:38:33.621-07:00warning...just real dark shit i guess.sometimes i have experiences in life that just lock me away.<br />
it's weird.<br />
i guess i am not locked away. i guess they render me unable to react<br />
or to express, rather, in a constructive way,<br />
(because lawd knows i am expressing some shit on the reg)<br />
what i am truly feeling about them.<br />
my journal stays empty, i don't pick up the guitar, the blog doesn't change and really i put on this mask that everything is okay and then eat some chocolate or something to make myself feel like i'm<br />
"dealing with shit."<br />
sounds depressing...i know. and it is sad.<br />
<br />
it's kind of a helpless feeling.<br />
not as helpless as what i am with you. i am helpless because no one can change you but you.<br />
not even me.<br />
i looked into your<br />
eyes<br />
last week and you were just dead behind em.<br />
god. i've never been so excited and then immediately broken hearted to see someone...<br />
who i knew 4 weeks ago is not you now<br />
there's 2 of you<br />
<br />
<br />
and i accept that reality.<br />
but i cry about it many nights.<br />
<br />
my strong and funny and wonderful loving guy<br />
is in there somewhere<br />
but sometimes this cloud overtakes things,<br />
and this bitch of a feeling becomes something you need to medicate<br />
<br />
and i guess i knew that from the start<br />
but really<br />
there's nothing i could have done to prepare for this.<br />
<br />
because all of that "life is about getting out and dancing in the rain" shit<br />
is easy to swallow when it's watermarked over<br />
a photo of a girl with nothing wrong, umbrella in her hand..<br />
but life is actually about going along, just as you usually do,<br />
and then having to dry your fucking clothes after you've gotten caught unprepared in a cold flash storm that really soaks you to the bonesAli Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-79975099286744450742013-09-21T23:38:00.001-07:002013-09-21T23:38:57.870-07:00eventually it happensmost epiphanies <div>strike you </div><div>three or four times before you realize there's actually quite a poignant reason <i>why </i>the same thought keeps landing in your</div><div>brain</div><div>heart</div><div>soul or</div><div>what have you.</div><div><br></div><div>seriously.</div><div>every time I "have an epiphany" </div><div>i usually follow with the thought "well...you already knew that. you just weren't listening."</div><div>hellooooooo.....</div><div><br></div><div>you can't control what others do.</div><div>all you can do is be yourself, 100% of the time, unfailingly so. </div><div>and if someone can't vibe with that...with you....</div><div>and they don't appreciate the </div><div>genuine shit</div><div>you are presenting to the world...</div><div>guess what? </div><div><i>it's okay.</i></div><div>there are 7 billion people on this rock and within each of them is </div><div>the potential to connect.</div><div>to learn from them.</div><div>to love them.</div><div>to see through them and walk in their shoes.</div><div>to understand them.</div><div>to be hurt by them.</div><div>to heal from the pain.</div><div>to be changed by their presence.</div><div>to hear their laugh.</div><div>to feel their smile and wonder at the color of their eyes.</div><div><br></div><div>and that......well that's just beautiful.</div><div><br></div>Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-43411574488277422812013-08-31T23:15:00.000-07:002013-09-01T00:11:56.441-07:00so there's thati miss you and<br />
i hate that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i have<br />
all these words<br />
inside<br />
that i<br />
never<br />
got to say and<br />
i resent that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i think<br />
about you<br />
sometimes and truly<br />
do not understand<br />
what happened<br />
to us<br />
to that thing<br />
we were doing<br />
and<br />
i feel weird<br />
about that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i drive by<br />
lucky 13<br />
where we first went out<br />
and i loved<br />
being there<br />
with you<br />
and now<br />
i see that patio and<br />
i just see you,<br />
it's ruined<br />
and damn<br />
that was a good burger so<br />
i'm mad about that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i saw a picture<br />
of your baby<br />
your boy<br />
starting school<br />
and i thought<br />
"that little prince"<br />
and<br />
"dad must be aching today,<br />
his baby is<br />
growing up"<br />
but i can't<br />
reach out to you and<br />
i'm just sad about that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
your kisses<br />
linger<br />
so there's that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i can't believe<br />
you act like<br />
this was one sided<br />
or that<br />
i cared less<br />
until you cared less,<br />
because to me,<br />
this was even and<br />
this is life<br />
not mathematics<br />
or science<br />
or fucking<br />
power plays and<br />
i am a human being<br />
not a superhero and<br />
i hate to admit that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i ask myself<br />
"why do you care?"<br />
"why do you even care?"<br />
and i always expect<br />
to talk myself out of it<br />
but i don't,<br />
instead,<br />
i am at a stop sign<br />
and then<br />
i hear myself say<br />
"because i am who i am,<br />
and i<br />
can't change that."<br />
<br />Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-89332718286430769922013-08-07T15:15:00.000-07:002013-08-18T21:58:00.468-07:00i guess i'm just 23 going on 24well i guess i'm still naÏve.<br />
<br />
still a girl trying to just<br />
figure<br />
shit<br />
out.<br />
and i've given myself that permission;<br />
i officially am OKAY WITH THAT.<br />
no one is ever 100%.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
isn't life strange? people change, feelings and emotions come and go, and sure, we can't always know what we want or how long we'll want it.<br />
but among all that change and back-and-forth...communication and honesty and respect stick around. they fuel our ability to stay genuine in relationships.<br />
<div>
in my opinion.<br />
keep it real, yo.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
all i need is a little honesty.<br />
alright, a lot.<br />
<br />
when i tell you how i feel, i am not a bitch, i am not crazy, and i'm not making shit up.<br />
vulnerability is a tricky thing because while being present with it on your side, (if you've trained yourself to somehow live in that place) you don't <i>exactly </i>feel it </div>
<div>
but </div>
<div>
when things turn sour that taste of vulnerability betrayed is the worst thing to have in your mouth<br />
...<br />
like the time i accidentally ate up all the shit that you fed to me.<br />
<br />
<br />
but<br />
was it actually shit?<br />
i don't think so, not at the time, to be honest.<br />
i think you meant those things.</div>
<div>
i think you chose your words with an alarming specificity and </div>
<div>
you read chapters and chapters<br />
about my zodiac and "the nature of cusp virgos"</div>
<div>
just so you could understand </div>
<div>
which body parts to touch</div>
<div>
first.<br />
and at first i was like..."whoa..."<br />
and then i was like..."wow..."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and i felt genuine that night on your roof</div>
<div>
do you remember?</div>
<div>
i made up my mind i was headed home away from you and your magnetic eyes</div>
<div>
and then count 10 minutes later and i was on your roof. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
and when you asked,</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
"where did you come from?" there was a real wonder in your voice. </div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
i will never unfeel </div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
the way you looked at me.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
there was no way your eyes were lying<br />
because i saw it in them. it. that thing. you can just feel it, you just know.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
it's other people telling me that i got played<br />
others telling me not to trust and to doubt<br />
and to constantly question whether he was real<br />
because it's impossible that i found someone<br />
who was actually THIS good and THIS real and THIS unexpected.<br />
<div>
<br />
<div>
he's not perfect and there were flaws but i'm not perfect either and isn't that what life is about? figuring it all out as you go along?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i don't wanna give in to others anymore<br />
and let them define my reality<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i choose, i decide.</div>
</div>
</div>
Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-91886970854705084702013-08-06T09:28:00.001-07:002013-08-06T09:28:24.346-07:00driving through the desertand all I can think is, "will i ever be able to leave this place for real?"<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-PI9q-GcqPso/UgEkJNOkh1I/AAAAAAAAAH4/wheZ5Odv7ow/s640/blogger-image-1918012780.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-PI9q-GcqPso/UgEkJNOkh1I/AAAAAAAAAH4/wheZ5Odv7ow/s640/blogger-image-1918012780.jpg"></a></div>Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-23420030392822056862013-06-26T08:37:00.004-07:002013-06-26T16:59:56.411-07:00remodeli guess all i needed was a little shift<br>
a little bump in the right direction<br>
a different direction<br>
<br>
to see that maybe things were never the way i saw them.<br>
our own eyes and what they've seen are trivial when you think of the land they have the potential to behold.<br>
<br>
<br>
were you ever really there?<div><br>
have you ever felt that? i'm asking you. have you ever felt that something so influential, so permanent, was maybe just a mirage that teased your brain for the last year? is it the changes that make it feel this way? or is it your realization that maybe you cared more all along; maybe you gave the mirage so much time and validity and effort that it started to become a dream, then slowly a reality? all this inception-type shit up in your own head...<br>
add this to the list of things i'll never know.<br>
<br>
opened eyes and now the potential of all things is opening up, however, perhaps.<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
when it rains it pours.<br>
try to let go of one and streams of others flow in through your windows<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
but the problem is<br>
the first one broke through the door and left the lock busted<br>
so even after they leave<br>
it keeps swinging<br>
open<br>
closed<br>
half<br>
open closed<br>
midway<br>
so you can't ever really keep your focus off that goddamn door.<br>
<br>
but the windows are open.<br>
and the fucking curtains are blowing in the breeze.<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br></div>Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-69744793789142994012013-05-03T23:25:00.001-07:002013-05-05T17:49:37.328-07:00prologuesometimes, it's like i'm two people.<br />
<br />
part 1<br />
i just wanna lounge around and<br />
write all day<br />
read great books and<br />
learn how to play the guitar. more.<br />
i want to wake up when i want,<br />
usually early,<br />
go on a hike,<br />
or maybe a run,<br />
and start my day off the way i see fit.<br />
i want to have time to make beautiful meals.<br />
see a movie by myself.<br />
i want to just stay here, my home, and<br />
enjoy<br />
the breathtaking beauty that surrounds me<br />
in all directions.<br />
to explore it.<br />
i want to love and wander with<br />
my friends<br />
my family of choice<br />
and go to our favorite restaurant for dinner and beer.<br />
i want to<br />
find new lovers<br />
and cuddle with them<br />
maybe<br />
but definitely<br />
kiss them because<br />
i like to kiss.<br />
and we will talk about<br />
the ways of the world..<br />
because i won't really know the ways of the world.<br />
but i will know the ways of mine.<br />
and i want it to be so because<br />
i choose it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
part 2<br />
i want to pack up and go.<br />
let me be free<br />
money<br />
can't beat me<br />
i just wanna fly away from here,<br />
bounding overseas to new places<br />
new beautiful things are left unseen<br />
but not anymore<br />
not in part 2 me.<br />
i want to eat and drink and adventure and live<br />
like they do<br />
who? you ask.<br />
whoever. all of them.<br />
broadway is out there<br />
waiting for me to be there<br />
and i want to be there.<br />
i heard the eiffel tower is beautiful in may.<br />
i want to learn about wine and pasta from the italians<br />
(even though i hate wine)<br />
because it just seems right.<br />
i want to be in the midst of it all,<br />
those gems few plan to see, and even fewer<br />
stumble upon.<br />
there's no plan other than<br />
change.<br />
i want to climb over unfamiliar mountains...<br />
never putting down roots in them.<br />
take a plane, train, automobile to<br />
wherever i see fit.<br />
and run there<br />
walk there<br />
love there<br />
live there<br />
become me there<br />
and everywhere.<br />
see<br />
the ways of the world<br />
and become them.<br />
<br />
<br />Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-23274148345509388942013-04-22T20:58:00.000-07:002013-04-25T00:56:49.447-07:00they're in the strange places<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"as for the questions that you are asking yourself and others: don't concern yourself with death. immerse yourself in life. enjoy every moment that you're allowed to but keep asking questions. my dear friend. don't ever stop asking questions. </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">also, bear no malice for the ones who leave you. the only regret they feel now is the regret of not being able to tell you how they really feel. they wish that they could say goodbye to the ones they left behind. but sometimes that's not possible."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-bert v. royal</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">[plays answer my questions. sometimes the exact right answer and words fall into my hands right when i need them. i may have known this all along, somewhere underneath the insecurity, business, and wobbly legs of life. still, it's a serendipitous feeling to be reassured by the words of a work you just so happen to be a part of.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"yeah, but..." is pernicious. because it makes it sounds like we have the best of intentions when really we are just too scared to do what we should. it allows us to be cowards while sounding noble. most people i know who <i>waited</i> to travel the world never did. conversely, plenty of people who waited for grad school or a steady job and traveled still did those things -- eventually. be careful of the "yeah...but." </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so young person, <i>travel.</i> travel wide and far. travel boldly. travel with full abandon. you will regret few risks you take when it comes to this. i promise you that.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-jeff goins</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">[and then maybe sometimes i'm just trolling the facebook for a break from my lines in said play and i happen to read a little article that contains a couple of gems that i didn't know i needed to hear. some answers to questions i knew i had, but was afraid to ask. i need to do this for myself. i need to get out of this place in order to find where and who i am supposed to be. it's all about fear.]</span>Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-51479141124648566482013-04-15T12:27:00.002-07:002013-04-19T12:05:45.867-07:00we don't have a map.i think these are the times that make us who we are<br />
me who i am<br />
<br />
<br />
the times when we're challenged and<br />
things are changing<br />
and maybe things are about to be tough.<br />
just gotta bite my tongue and swallow my pride and work through<br />
what i know is coming.<br />
<br />
i just want to cry and sure, i have.<br />
well, i am right now.<br />
i feel sad and it's just not fair.<br />
<br />
but the other, overpowering thing is this:<br />
i'm just <i>grateful.</i><br />
i'm happy and excited for this bend in the road.<br />
for you <i>and</i> for me.<br />
for those lucky people who get to know your presence now<br />
for those individuals who haven't yet known the joy of working with someone as<br />
passionate<br />
dedicated<br />
funny<br />
smart<br />
talented<br />
caring<br />
driven<br />
and COMpassionate<br />
as you.<br />
<br />
my best friend.<br />
<br />
<br />
i felt you walk out those doors tonight but i'll tell you what,<br />
you wouldn't be here at all if you'd never walked out the doors at your last gig.<br />
so i'm grateful.<br />
<br />
<br />
i'm excited to see how you will transform that environment.<br />
and i know you will.<br />
and maybe when you do, you'll be able to look around and see that<br />
you have impact wherever you go.<br />
people love you wherever you go.<br />
i hope you see that.<br />
i wish more than anything else for you to see that.<br />
<br />
<br />
i am so grateful<br />
for you and what you've taught me<br />
about myself<br />
about my work<br />
about how we can change the lives of others with the smallest of actions<br />
<br />
<br />
i am so grateful for this labyrinth of life.<br />
you're right.<br />
it's all got to be celebrated, the goods, the bads, the ups and the downs.<br />
<br />
<br />
miss you.<br />
see you tomorrow.<br />
:)Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-16321578323500513102013-04-03T22:03:00.000-07:002013-04-04T15:20:25.769-07:00because these conversations with myself totally happenit's easy to doubt<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
but trust instead<br />
<br />
even when it's tempting to disengage<br />
<br />
trust that the world means to give you what you need<br />
the universe is somehow conspiring for success<br />
some force is working for you<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
you define your own happiness<br />
<br />
you surround yourself with the sources,<br />
the wellsprings of joy<br />
<br />
just try to listen<br />
<i>try to be </i><br />
and <br />
relinquish the illusion of controlAli Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-71414695771446241452013-03-22T18:21:00.002-07:002013-03-23T23:10:31.553-07:00i almost drowned in a wave pool at raging waters when i was youngit's so easy to forget those<br />
near death experiences<br />
<br />
we've all had 'em<br />
<br />
bad car accident. <br />
almost hit by a bus.<br />
spinning out on the freeway in snow.<br />
<br />
<br />
and right after it happens we tend to go to this place,<br />
this more-commonly-unfamiliar-than-familiar place<br />
where we're more grateful than we used to be.<br />
grateful to just <i>be alive.</i><br />
feeling<i> gratitude</i> for the cold air and embracing the snowflakes when we wake up the next morning.<br />
we're breathing easier<br />
because our lungs still work<br />
and we constantly say/think cliche things like<br />
"treat life like the precious gift it is, because any day it could be taken away from you"<br />
and<br />
"you only live once"<br />
and<br />
"dance like nobody's watching"<br />
and<br />
"carpe diem"<br />
and<br />
"ya know, it really put things in perspective."<br />
and really,<br />
it<br />
just<br />
seems<br />
weird.<br />
<br />
<br />
because tell me this, how long did it take to start bitching about the weather?<br />
after the fact, i mean.<br />
how long did it take to start finding everything going wrong in our lives?<br />
<br />
<br />
a couple days? maybe?<br />
it's like we can't help it.<br />
what a waste of time.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
some people, some creatures, will experience their last moments today.Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-79924013128098818492013-02-28T22:15:00.000-08:002013-03-01T08:18:52.990-08:00yellow has always been my favorite color. since the first grade.<br />
i am fascinated by the sun light coming through the trees<br />
<br />
lately and always i suppose<br />
<br />
and when it changes to moonlight i am in equal wonderment<br />
<br />
there's something so delicate and simple and beautiful about the way the light fights.<br />
i mean really<br />
it can't make it through some surfaces....it's a gift when it can.<br />
<br />
<br />
trees and mountains are glorified by the golden light, masters of strength plunging into the sky from the ground, catching hints of heat and breaking the sun among their surface<br />
<br />
or turned to dark twisting towering things<br />
depending on where you stand<br />
whichever side, shade or sun<br />
<br />
<br />
if the sun shines but nobody feels it, is it really happening?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
it's all about perspective<br />
it's all about where you stand.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
when i see the sun and behold its power, i feel a part of something bigger.<br />
<br />
<br />
i think <i>i am</i> the sun<br />
i think i am golden and free and flighty and fighting<br />
and, depending on where you stand, you may see my brilliant shades or you might see my own personal gray scale.<br />
<br />
<br />
and at the end of the day, i know who my trees are and i know i have my own mountains.<br />
<br />
because they are the ones willing to witness both sides<br />
they are the few and far between <br />
happy to see me for what i am at my hours in shadow and at my moments of pure illumination, along with the variety of whatever's between.<br />
<br />
these are the souls in my life i cannot be without<br />
they are the ones who do not shy away from storms when i am fighting to come back and dry up all the rain<br />
<br />
they weather them <b>with</b> me until the sun rays return.<br />
my rocks.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i think the sun would thank us all if it could<br />
<br />
<br />
for if the sun shines but nobody feels it, is it really worth it?Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-59903874069034548912013-02-08T16:06:00.001-08:002013-02-08T17:32:53.604-08:00the labyrinth 2013i had the pleasure of walking a labyrinth today at grace cathedral in San Francisco. it was beautiful and very peaceful. my journal came to the center with me. meandered in, meditated, traced my way back out.<br />
<br />
reassurance<br />
love<br />
calm<br />
breathe<br />
beautiful world<br />
<br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-VMQEZZAa5Yw/URWTDiRCCOI/AAAAAAAAAG8/JhaqLHS87mE/s640/blogger-image--1244223486.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-VMQEZZAa5Yw/URWTDiRCCOI/AAAAAAAAAG8/JhaqLHS87mE/s640/blogger-image--1244223486.jpg" /></a></div>Ali Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-42797470179744628982013-01-27T21:01:00.001-08:002013-01-27T21:01:02.051-08:00"people will kill you over time. and the way they'll kill you is with tiny harmless phrases like, 'be realistic.'"<br />
dylan moranAli Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5045091004575401637.post-10707162955756139912013-01-27T20:28:00.000-08:002013-01-27T20:28:02.037-08:00"sometimes i can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives i'm not living."<br />
jsfAli Lentehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03622841541878949414noreply@blogger.com0