i'm training for this race in october. it's called the Tough Mudder and it's a 10 mile obstacle course designed by british special forces. and...i'm gonna rock it.

i am discovering a lot about myself lately.

1. heart
2. brain
3. body

i think it's safe to conclude that when my body is physically compromised, my mind and heart have a tendency to clarify certain things.
people,
events,
work,
books,
songs,
my own thoughts....
                                ...kinda just make more sense.


it's like my brain is making up for one third of me undertaking large amounts of stress, so it skips faster and those synapses are connecting and flying more and my heart is just opened up [maybe due to all the stretching and the connecting with nature but maybe because i am vulnerable once again] and feels everything even a liiiiiittle more deeply than before.

or maybe my brain is evolving along with my body.

or maybe i like feeling myself getting stronger.

or maybe what i want is becoming clearer.

or maybe my understanding of my potential is driving me to push through to a deeper side of myself.

or maybe i'm remembering the goals i made after grad school auditions.

or maybe i'm completely grateful for the way life just takes me where i need to go and shows me what i need to see and leads me toward who i need to know.



i'm a really lucky individual, no matter why this is going on.
as they say, it's all about the journey.



I'm PROUD of how far i've come in only 25 days! i am running circles around my old self.

today at dinner, i told one of my best friends, "i think this weird thing is happening...for the first time, i TRULY understand the connection between my body and everything else. i'm not just saying i know because i work for whole foods and i went vegan once and i'm careful to eat the right things and i go to the gym. i have this goal and it's forcing me to treat my body like a machine, because it is."


i'm living in this space 24/7.
so now i truly know. now i see.

my body can always do one more rep
                                  run one more mile
                                  hold 10 more seconds
                                  lower one more inch
                                                                     if my mind is strong and my heart believes.

and when my body, mind, and heart are working together, i can do anything.

i deserve this.
and on race day, i'm crossing that finish line with the understanding that my legs are carried over it by my dedication, hard work, and DRIVE.

this is way more than a race.
this is ............................ i don't know yet. but it's something else.