you'll have to excuse me but i just saw some breathtaking theatre so obviously i'm thinking and typing

my head is spinning
no
literally
or i guess it's just my brain doing this thing to my eyes so i can't focus


it's actually making me dizzy

but that's not the point
and in the words of tom, let's get to the point.

i'm sitting here and the breaths come in short spurts
paralyzed waist down
because i just can't understand it.

just imagining how much hurt we can feel over one thing. one person. one event.
we have a huge capacity to hurt, and an even bigger capacity to feel pain. but there is a threshold. at some point, it gets to be too much and we do something to change this; we try to take control of the pain. right? the blade can't go any deeper so we pull it out or we just live with it there, accepting its point, its blade in our kidneys. going about our daily routine as if we haven't lost this much blood...

eating lunch and someone says, "oh what's that?" "oh nothing just this knife i've been carrying around."




one minute we're eating some peanut butter on toast and walking by the neighbor's house to pick some flowers and the next minute we're ON THE GROUND IN THE FETAL POSITION because something is missing and it turns out someone walked away with it without leaving a note.
no message, no symbol.
nothing.
NOT EVEN A WARNING!
how dare you!

or maybe 23 something warnings that we chose to ignore or just couldn't see quite clearly (did you send them to the right number? my email has changed...)


but you know what the sickest part is?
you know what's really fucked up?

we do this to each other. humans.
i know you have a heart and you are aware of these easy beats and yet

and yet.



i just wonder is all.
i just want to know how often we balance ourselves out by nourishing our capacity to love.
it's huge. or at least i think so.
even if you didn't mean to hurt someone...because it is unavoidable sometimes because what would this life be with only love and no struggle...

even if you didn't mean to.
do you make up for it?
do we need to?
i don't know.
don't we owe it to ourselves? to humanity?
i think we do.