dear will,

i can't remember the last time i heard your voice.
and when i say that
i mean
YOUR voice
not your voice affected
                        infected.

i call you every single day.
i have never stopped calling.
it got hard when the voice said
"you have reached the voicemail inbox of.."
dead
and harder still when it turned to
"the number you are calling is not reachable."
gone


but i still try every day because
i imagine the day you pick up.
it will be the best day.


i hope you don't just call
i hope i can see your eyes again.

please, god or whatever is out there,
let me see his eyes again.

and i'm holding on to this hope that you will come back...
despite my better judgement
or the present moment
that says
"he blew in and out like the wind...
now let him go
like the wind lets go
of all it touches."

whiteknuckles
nothingbuthope
nochoice
andthatsjustme

everywhere i look,
i see you.
you know where to find me.

love,
ali

PS-no no...yeah...yeah no...i know.